The history of my Fish

howdy y'all
In attempt to better inform the masses about legend that is my life, I suppose I should tell the world about my history with fish. I've always been a fan of fish tanks and the like, so I have owned a few in my day. I've learned a few important things about fish tanks in that time, and these are lessons I feel my fans should learn.
Lesson 1- Keep your tank clean.
    I had a beta when I was in junior high. His name was Steven and he was a pretty good fish. He lived in a pretty small bowl with no filter, so his tank got dirty nearly every week. My mother is a very cleanly lady, so this dirty tank did not make her as happy as it did me. One day she told me that I needed to clean it by the end of the day or she was going to give the fish to the neighbors. Thinking she was bluffing, I called shenanigans and didn't clean the bowl. Well, turns out it was no bluff. Steven went to live with a new family.
Lesson 2- Fish tanks are not water dynamite proof.
   I was a junior in high school when I set up a 10 gallon tank in my room (my room that had just been re-carpeted) Well it was just after July 4th, so my friends and I had a few extra water dynamite. My friends Jose and Justin were at my house playing x-box when we decided that we should use the rest of the water dynamite. Jose told me that he had a tank at home and dropped water dynamite into it all the time and it looked really cool, but didnt hurt the fish at all. In a moment of complete stupidity, I believed this and decided my tank would be a perfect place to try it out. Well, as it turns out, this was simply not true. The tank burst and spilled the smelly water all over the floor. All the fish were killed and my room was a mess. I was in so much trouble. I haven't trusted Jose since.
Lesson 3- PetsMart is full of crap.
   I once bought my girlfriend a goldfish fish from Walmart. His name was Buzz and he was awesome. He lived in a one gallon bowl for nearly two years. When he moved to the Big Ocean in the Sky, we decided that we would honor his memory with a funeral. It was a suit and tie affair with pamphlets and nearly 20 mourners in attendance.
   Well a few weeks later we bought a 10 gallon tank with all the bells and whistles. We, under direction of the experts at PetsMart, only put one large goldfish in the tank. Her name was Calypso. She only lasted about a week. Because this was such an untimely death, we returned the fish's corpse to PetsMart and demanded a refund. They gave us 5 mollies. Kristine refused to name them because she said she couldn't handle becoming attached to them if they were just going to leave her.  Even with all the chemicals and antibiotics PetsMart sold us to help them survive, they all died within two weeks.
   Well, after about a year, Kristine decided to try her luck with fish again. This time, we each bought a single goldfish from Walmart. Hers, a orange and white goldfish with brown spots, is named Ginger. Mine, being solid black and looking angry, is named Dwayne (after professional wrestler and actor Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson.) Dwayne and Ginger have been alive for nearly 2 months now. So clearly, PetsMart is full of evil people who want you to fall in love with an aquatic friend only to mourn their passing within a week. I'll never buy a fish from PetsMart again.